int. conference room
The entire staff is seated in the dark watching a movie.
Pam is sitting next to Jim, his arm around her, and, surprisingly, Angela is sitting next to Pam. Up front, Dwight and Andy sit next to each other. Angela is staring at both of them looking heartbroken... She pulls out a handkerchief and begins to dab her eyes. She looks down and sucks up a few sobs.
She then grabs hold of Pam’s arm and lays her head on Pam’s shoulder, which is right where Jim’s hand is laying. He feels it, cocks an eyebrow, and slowly glances at Pam.
She’s glaring at him, very aware of the situation...
pam (vo)
I give up.
pam talking head
pam
There is something wrong, fundamentally wrong with that woman! She hates everyone, is holier-than-thou yet cheats on her fiancé, and now out of everyone in the office she comes to me for support and up until Andy found out about her affair, I was still just the office hussy! –To her, I mean! Because she thinks... and no one else thinks I’m a... Oh forget it!
int. conference room
Same.
Dwight offers Andy some popcorn; Andy has some. Trying to return the favor, Andy offers Dwight a sip of his drink. Dwight takes it, removes Andy’s straw, and takes a big gulp straight from the bottle. Andy stares, unblinkingly annoyed.
DAVID WALLACE enters:
david
Afternoon DM Scranton--
He stops when he sees the movie.
david
Michael, what are you doing?
Michael looks up, caught... David waits.
michael
(finally)
Movie Monday...?
david
Is this that thing Jan once told me about? Didn’t she specifically tell you not to--?
michael
Yeah, but you fired her, so...
david
Michael, you can’t just...
(suddenly takes a closer look at the movie)
Michael... is this ‘Frost/Nixon’?
Michael glances at the camera.
michael talking head
michael
I have discovered, through the World Wide Web, that you can pretty well find and download any movie you could ever possibly want. Even the ones still in theatres! And it’s all free! And since the Internet is a free market, it’s all completely legal.
int. conference room
Same.
david
Michael, this is highly illegal.
Michael glances at the camera with confidence – he obviously believes David is wrong.
david (cont’d)
And you can’t just have your employees sit around for two hours and...
David glances at the TV.
david (cont’d)
If you want your branch to continue to succeed, you just cannot...
He does it again... and this time falls silent as he continues to watch the movie – slowly being immersed...
Beat.
david
That’s Frank Langella, right?
Michael offers David the empty seat next to him. David takes it.
Beat.
Michael offers David some popcorn. David takes some.
david
Thanks--
dwight
Shhhh!
andy
Keep it down, man!
END OF teaser
ACT ONE
int. office, Stanley’s Desk
Stanley is working, staring at his computer. As if feeling watched, his eyes glance to his side where we reveal...
A young, black teenage boy. He’s sitting next to Stanley, staring at him.
His name is...
stanley talking head
stanley
Shawn, his name is Shawn! My daughter’s boyfriend whose deadbeat father apparently doesn’t have a job so he can shadow him for a class I’m sure he’s going to fail anyway!
int. office, stanley’s desk
Same.
Stanley turns grudgingly back to his computer. Shawn just stares, eventually glancing up at the camera.
shawn talking head
shawn
Mr. Stan’s a really nice guy. He let me job shadow him for the day. He uh... I’m just glad for the opportunity.
Pull back to reveal Stanley sitting next to him, arms crossed, eyes glaring.
stanley
It’s not ‘Mr. Stan’ boy, it’s Mr. Hudson.
Shawn’s eyes widen – he’s terrified to even look in Stanley’s direction; he never looks away from the camera.
shawn
Mr. Hudson.
int. office, pam’s desk
Angela walks up.
angela
Hey.
Pam looks up; we see instantly on her face that she isn’t happy.
pam
Hi, Angela.
Awkward beat.
pam
Yes--
angela
Would like to maybe go get some lunch?
pam
Oh... I’m sorry; Jim and I had plans--
angela
Oh--
pam
It’s just--
angela
No, no, I get it.
pam
Thanks.
angela
I can take care of it.
Pam
What--
Angela walks directly to Jim’s desk:
angela
Jim, would you mind if Pam and I spent lunch together today?
Jim catches Pam’s negative glare.
jim
Umm, well we already made lunch reservations...
angela
You made reservations for lunch?
jim
It’s a really nice place.
angela
Well you can still go.
Angela looks around hopefully... finally looks at Dwight, who doesn’t even notice her presence.
angela
You and Dwight could probably do some catching up.
jim
Umm--
But Angela is already gone, back to Pam.
Angela
There, settled. Noon, then?
Pam stares.
pam
(hopeless)
Sure...
Angela walks away. Pam and Jim glance at each other, both annoyed with themselves.
Jim turns to Dwight.
jim
Dwight, looks like we have some catching up to do.
Dwight looks up, confused.
dwight
I beg your pardon?
Jim sighs.
dwight talking head
dwight
What? Oh, I’m sorry, but Angela Martin, aka Dunder Mifflin Scranton’s Last Cylon, is currently being shunned.
int. office
PUSH IN to Michael’s office where we see that David is looking back out, observing.
int. michael’s office
david
I just don’t get it, Michael. It doesn’t seem like your people are doing anything much different than the other branches.
Michael, at his desk, glances proudly at the camera.
michael
Well, it’s what’s on the inside that counts.
David obviously tries to ignore that, but continues to observe.
david talking head
david
I have to assume Michael is hiding something from me... Some special little thing he does for his employees that allow them to work so sufficiently. I have to assume this... Because the alternative is that Michael is just... just....
int. office
Jim and Dwight are grabbing their coats, preparing to leave.
stanley
(walking up)
Hold on, hold on, you two going out to lunch?
jim
Yeah, Stanley, you need something?
Stanley seems to have put on his ‘happy face.’
stanley
Oh, no, no, just thought you two cats could use another member for your crew.
jim
Really...? You’d like to have lunch--
Stanley
Oh, no, not me.
Jim looks over Stanley’s shoulder to see Shawn standing a few feet away.
stanley
I’m sure you boys will have a blast.
Stanley walks away, and as he passes by Shawn his happy face disappears.
Jim, continuing to be more and more annoyed, rolls his eyes at Pam. She returns the gesture. They all exit.
After a moment, Angela walks back up.
angela
Ready?
Pam stares.
MINUTES LATER
Andy walks out of the kitchen towards Dwight’s desk...
andy
Hey, Big D, whats say we go grab some grub at--
Andy finds Dwight’s desk empty. He looks around to see Jim and Pam’s desks empty as well.
andy
Where’d everyone go...?
He looks down at Dwight’s empty desk, and then slowly looks across the office to accounting where he sees Angela’s desk is empty as well... He looks back at Dwight’s desk. We get what he’s thinking.
int. restaurant
The place is extremely fancy; nice, just like Jim said. And there they are – Jim, Dwight, and Shawn – all sitting at a table looking through their menus. Jim is the only one that looks depressed.
shawn
What can I get?
dwight
Anything you want, Halpert’s buying.
jim
Excuse me?
dwight
You invited us, Jim.
Jim glares at Dwight. Dwight continues reading his menu. Jim looks at Shawn who now stares at him concerned.
jim
Go ahead kid, whatever you want.
jim talking head
jim
Know how many sales I made yesterday? Next to absolute zero. Know why? Because I spent the better part of the day making reservations for this place. Know what’s sad? I was fifty percent it was going to end up something like this anyway.
int. diner
Pam and Angela look through their menus.
pam
So... What are you hungry for?
angela
(stern)
When I know, I’ll tell you.
pam
(mumbling)
You’re very indecisive here lately.
Angela glares up at Pam.
int. office, kitchen
Michael, David, and Andy all sit at one of the tables eating pizza.
david
I’ve got to tell you, this pizza is damn near as good as anything I’ve ever had in New York.
michael
Yeah?
david
Very good.
michael
So how are things up there?
David sighs.
david
Well, Michael, honestly, they could be better. If there’s anything at all you’d like to tell me regarding how you run your branch – anything little thing you think helps, it would really help the company right now.
Michael beams.
michael
Well--
Andy
You know what Michael Scott does that really makes the difference? It’s called honesty.
David looks intrigued.
andy
Michael Scott does not know how to tell a lie. Anytime there’s a major problem, no matter how much it is blatantly clear on his face that he doesn’t want anyone to know, he can’t help but tell us all the truth. And yes, maybe it’s not something he wants to do. Maybe it’s not something that will make people happy, but he does it anyway. Michael Scott is not a cheater.
michael
(realizes)
Andy.
andy
Michael Scott will never make commitments he can’t keep – and you know what? Even if every now and then he can’t keep them, it isn’t for a lack of trying, because he tries harder than any two people at this or any other branch combined. And once more, Michael Scott would never, ever, ever agree to marry me only to screw around with some beady-eyed Amish redneck that killed my cat!
Andy stands and leaves. Michael and David sit awkwardly for a moment.
david
Andy’s always been very passionate in his work hasn’t he?
Michael nods half-heartedly, glancing annoyed at the camera.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
int. restaurant
Shawn and Jim sit, finished eating, staring at Dwight as he continues to wolf down his enormous meal.
jim
Is it good, Dwight?
Dwight doesn’t respond. Jim and Shawn continue to stare.
int. diner
Pam and Angela have finished up.
pam
How was yours?
angela
I ate it didn’t I?
pam
You know what, that’s it. What is your deal!?
angela
Excuse me, I have no deal--
pam
Shut up!
Angela glares.
angela
What?
pam
Shut it, just shut up! Maybe that’s what you need. You haven’t had anyone tell you to shut your mouth in a long time I guess so maybe it’s about time someone did.
Angela is dumbstruck.
pam
First you break Dwight’s heart, then you date Andy to get back at him, then you agree to marry Andy, again just to get back at Dwight. Then, lo and behold, you start screwing around with Dwight again, messing with his feelings, and then you inevitably break Andy’s heart, who’s treated you like nothing but gold for the last year. So yes, just stop talking because nothing you say apparently has any meaning anymore.
Angela sits silently, tears beginning to well up. And Pam, having vented, is obviously starting to regret her words.
angela
I’m evil...
pam
What...?
angela
I don’t deserve anybody... and you’re... you’re... you’re right.
Now Pam is dumbstruck.
angela
All I did was hurt them... and neither deserved what I put them through.
pam
Angela...
angela
I’m sor--
pam
Look at me.
Angela does.
pam
The first time I ever kissed Jim was when Roy and I were still engaged.
Angela just stares... Pam nods. Angela looks like she wants to say something, but remains silent.
And for a long while the two women look at each other... finally coming to an understanding.
int. restaurant
Dwight is wiping his mouth with his napkin.
dwight
So, Halpert, how are things going in your neck of the woods?
Jim continues to stare.
jim
Really, Dwight?
dwight
I’m sorry?
jim
Do you not feel bad at all about Andy?
dwight
None of your business.
shawn
What happened?
jim
Tell him, Dwight.
Shawn listens, extremely curious.
dwight
(gives in)
Once upon a time, a former foe of mine by the name of Andrew Bernard took something that was not his to take--
jim
Dwight.
dwight (cont’d)
And as an act of retaliation I took it upon myself--
jim
Dwight slept with Andy’s fiancé and ruined his marriage--
dwight
Some of us believe it was already ruined--
jim
Dwight!
dwight
Oh, what Jim? You’re so perfect. God knows you’ve never ruined a marriage.
Shawn’s eyes widen and turn to Jim.
jim
That’s really nice--
dwight
But look what you got out of it.
Jim stops. Dwight nods.
dwight
Exactly.
The two men continue to glare. Shawn sips his drink.
int. office
Jim, Dwight enter, both looking tense. Shawn follows awkwardly behind.
Andy walks straight up to Dwight:
andy
Are you sleeping with Angela again already!? We had a pact, a signed agreement and it looks to me like you’re already--
jim
Andy--
andy
Not now, Tuna--
jim
Dwight, Shawn and I just got back from lunch.
Andy stops... He looks at Shawn.
shawn
It’s true.
Andy begins to shake his head.
andy
I just... I need...
Andy storms away.
andy
I just need to vent.
ext. conference room
From a distance we see that Andy is on one of his rants, pacing back and forth across the room – getting it all off his chest.
We then PAN OVER to see that, sitting in the room as well is young Shawn, the unfortunate victim of Andy’s rant.
int. office - later
Andy walks out of the conference room looking extremely calm now. He walks to Dwight’s desk.
andy
Dwight, I apologize.
Dwight nods. Andy asks both Jim and Dwight:
andy
So you guys went to lunch? I had pizza what’d you guys have?
Behind them Angela and Pam walk in, neither looking annoyed or angry. Angela sees Andy talking to Dwight – Pam sees her seeing it. Angela puts her head down and makes for her desk.
Pam lets her go, looking sympathetic. As Andy continues to talk to Dwight, Jim stands and walks to Pam.
jim
So how was your lunch?
pam
Could’ve been worse. How about yours?
jim
Could’ve been better.
They kiss.
We pan away to find Shawn leaving the conference room as well and taking his seat next to Stanley.
Stanley cocks an eyebrow at him.
stanley
So, enjoying your day?
shawn
Is it me or are most of the people in this place crazy?
Stanley looks up almost proud. He nods at Shawn.
stanley
You’re alright, kid.
Shawn grins.
later
David and Michael exit Michael’s office:
david
Well, Michael, I’ve had a really enjoyable day I must say.
michael
Well thank you David. Having fun is actually one of my many secrets.
david
Aha, so you do have secrets you’re keeping?
michael
Well...
david
Come on, Michael, give me something.
michael
Ah... It wouldn’t be right.
david
Come on.
michael
I mean, maybe I should get a raise first.
David laughs.
david
I wish, Michael. I really do.
michael
My lips are sealed, then.
David nods.
david
You know, I guess I can go ahead and tell you this, since you mentioned it. Corporate is actually thinking, in light of our current economy, that maybe it would be a good idea to take back everyone’s yearly wage increase.
Michael’s tone drops.
michael
What?
david
I mean that would include mine as well.
michael
You want to take away our raises?
david
Michael, it’s not--
michael
What is it with Corporate?
David says nothing.
michael
I mean first you take away Jan, then you take away my job offer, then Holly, and now you want my raise?
david
Michael--
michael
I mean... does this company really just not like me?
david
Michael...
michael
What?
david
(meaning it)
I’m sorry. I... I really am.
David grabs his coat and begins to put it on.
david
You know, you’re probably right. Taking raises away is a bad idea.
michael
Thank you.
At Pam’s desk, she and Jim are both watching and whispering:
jim
Did Michael really just save our raises?
Pam nods, surprised, not taking her eyes away from Michael and David.
David finishes buttoning his coat and walks back to Michael. He extends his hand:
david
Thank you, Michael.
Michael takes it and they shake.
David turns to exit. He turns back just before he leaves and smiles.
david
So, you’re absolutely sure you don’t want to reveal any more secrets on how you perform so well?
Michael grins, shoots the camera a quick look and then says:
michael
(simply)
That’s what she said.
THE END
